Larry's Life o'Larceny
by Jelsemium
Summary: Orginally titled Larry's Life o'Crime, but Larceny is more alliterative. Yes, it's been posted at Numb3rs dot org and LiveJournal. Can't believe that Larry would steal something? Of course he wouldn't, not under normal circumstances.
1. Chapter 1

Larry's Life o' Crime

By Jelsemium

Rating: K

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Dedicated to Tessechan and Poetic Dreamer

Chapter 1

The NetFlix DVD had been delivered to the wrong office. Well, technically, it was delivered to the correct office, just in the wrong building.

Larry Fleinhardt decided that the gentlemanly thing to do would be to take the package over to the biology department himself, rather than risking it to the vagaries of the inter office mail.

He called Professor Viola Ghee to find out when would be a good time for him to deliver the package. However, when he arrived in the biology department, he could tell it had somehow devolved into a bad time.

Professor Ghee was uncharacteristically unkempt. Her white streaked brown hair was pulled back with a rubber band. Her mascara was beginning to run. Her hands and formerly neatly pressed pants were smudged with dirt.

There were several students crawling around on the floor and peeking behind furniture.

"Um," Larry said.

"Sorry, Larry," Viola said. "One of Labyrinth's meals has escaped."

Larry blinked a few times. After a moment's contemplation, it occurred to him that the biology teacher was probably referring to an animal named 'Labyrinth.' "And this Labyrinth would be?" He inquired.

"Our corn snake," one of the students replied.

"Ah," Larry said. "So… Oh, I get the name. It was a corn snake, so you thought of maize… the Native American word for corn… then that led you to maze…" He stopped when he realized that he was speaking to himself.

"Shall I just put the DVD somewhere and get out of your way?" he said.

"Please," Viola replied. "Not that I don't appreciate your kindness. And under normal circumstances, I'd offer you some brownies or something." Viola was notorious for fattening up her students.

Larry smiled. "I'll take a rain check," he murmured.

He made his way to the cabinet that held the TV and DVD player. He looked at the DVD player as he placed the NetFlix package on it. He was mildly taken aback when he realized that the DVD player was looking back at him.

He was relieved when he discerned that the eyes belonged to the escaped 'dinner' instead of the machine. (Machines were much too intrusive without eyes, in his opinion.) The golden hamster rose on its hind legs and waved its front paws, as if appealing for assistance.

Without pausing to think, Larry scooped the escapee and slipped him into a pocket. "Well, good luck with Labyrinth's dinner," he said as he made good two escapes.


	2. Chapter 2

A couple of weeks later, Charlie Eppes was poking around Larry's office looking for the copy of Fibonacci Quarterly that Larry had borrowed. A squeaking noise distracted him from his quest.

"Larry, do you have mice in your office?" he asked. He turned around and spotted the source of the noise. A wire cage, with a water bottle and an exercise wheel was sitting on the bookcase behind Larry's desk.

"Um, no, Charles, that's a Syrian hamster, also known as the golden hamster."

"Oh," Charlie said. He spotted his magazine under the hamster cage. He mentally gave thanks to John the Apostle, patron saint of printed material, that the magazine had not wound up in the hamster cage.

"Why'd you get a hamster?" Charlie asked.

Larry hesitated. "Oh, I picked up Houdini up on a whim," he said, hiding behind his vague persona. He knew Charlie wouldn't think of it as anything other than one of his many eccentricities.

"Houdini?" Charlie asked. The mathematician leaned over and studied the cage and its contents.

"Well, I was warned that he was quite the escape artist," Larry explained.

"She," Charlie corrected.

Larry frowned at Charlie. "What makes you think that Houdini is a female?" he asked.

Charlie gestured toward the cage.

Larry could hear squeaking, even though the wheel was not in use. He moved over and, well, blinking seemed the appropriate reaction. So he did so, several times.

"It looks like Houdini has conjured up a litter," Charlie said with a smirk.

Larry stopped blinking and stared. There were six naked little baby hamsters huddled around Houdini. "Oh, my," he said.

First Larry was disconcerted. Then a surge of pleasure hit him as he realized that he hadn't just saved one life, but seven. "Seven with one stroke," he murmured.

Charlie shot him a look, and then obviously decided not to question Larry's comment. "Um, can you give me a hand? That's my magazine under there."

"Of course," Larry said quickly. He grabbed an ancient copy of National Geographic to put under the cage instead of Charlie's Fibonacci Quarterly. A sudden thought struck him.

"Um, Charles," he said.

"No," Charlie said. "I don't need a hamster. I have two cats and a pond full of koi fish. That's enough wildlife for me."

"Hm," Larry said, studying the hamster family.

"You know, Viola is always looking for rodents," Charlie said.

Larry glared at him.

"Or not," Charlie said, raising his hands.


End file.
